1.) Quote I’m Pondering
“Live as if you were living already for the second time and as if you had acted the first time as wrongly as you are about to act now.” — Victor Frankl
2.) An Easier Way to Have a Good Day
Linked with the above, the usual approach to planning a good day is to make a list of things you want to accomplish and then tick them off, one by one.
Recently I’ve been asking the opposite:
“What’s on my not-to-do-list today?”
In other words, what do I typically do on a day like this—that if I avoided—would make this a better day?
It’s usually simple things like: rushing through lunch, not leaving enough space between meetings, or not getting enough sleep.
I’ve found the payoff from asking this question (and acting on it) to be immense.
3.) Six Mini Adventures Per Year
The older I get, the quicker time seems to pass.
According to Dr Steve Taylor (see 45 mins here) one of the main reasons for this is that our lives usually become more routinized with age.
Which means that an effective way to slow down your perception of time is to consciously introduce more novelty into your life.
I had forgotten about this until recently, when I discovered this podcast with Jezze Itzler—in which he shares his framework for planning six “mini-adventures” every year (one at the end of every two months).
Itzler’s logic is that if you don’t plan these in advance, your calendar fills up by default—usually with the priorities of others—so you’ll never get round to them.
The experiences don’t have to be life-changing or expensive, just something that will take you out of your usual routine for a day or 2, and give you something to look forward to every couple of months.
It could be a camping trip, visiting a new city, or getting lessons in a new skill/sport you’re curious to try.
In my own case, last week I went “Canyoning” for the first time and can safely say I will never forget it. (I’m pretty sure there was more adrenaline flowing through my system in this 2 hour period than there had been for the previous six months 
.)
If you do this, it’ll mean that at the end of a ten year period, you’ll have created 60 meaningful memories that will be with you for the rest of your life.
This also reminds me of the quote from Dr. Gordon Livingston:
“The three components of happiness are something to do, someone to love, and something to look forward to.”
4.) Overcoming Your Immunity to change
I interviewed Robert Kegan and Lisa Lahey on their Immunity to Change book for our upcoming Holistic Coaching Summit.
A key takeaway for me was that in the same way our physical body has an immune system that keeps us safe from threats (e.g. viruses), our mind also has a “psychological immune system” designed to protect us.
Although both systems function well most of the time, they’re not perfect, and can sometimes do harm.
For example, I have a cousin who was on dialysis and needed a new kidney to survive.
When he finally received one from a donor, his immune system rejected it because it mistook it for a threat.
Similarly, a person who was bullied early in life may develop a protective system that keeps others out and allows them to function well on their own. Although this kept them safe as a child, it becomes maladaptive later in life by blocking out relationships—even with partners/friends who might be good for them.
This short post (605 words) explores their “immunity x-ray” model for becoming conscious of the internal conflicts which are preventing you from making the changes you’d most like to make in your life. It also offers a solution for stepping out of the confines of your current “immune system”, and moving into a more expansive world.
5.) A New Question I’m Asking Myself Every Week:
“What are the uncomfortable conversations that would be most beneficial for me to have?”
This one came out of an interview with Dr. Keita Demming – also for our upcoming summit.
In his coaching practice, Keita has noticed that out of all the leaders he works with, the ones who do best are those who proactively move the difficult conversations forward.
In other words, they’re masters of tackling molehills before they become mountains.
The more we embrace uncomfortable conversations, the more truth that flows in our lives—and that can only be a good thing.
Hard Conversations = Easy Life. Easy Conversations = Hard Life.
Or, as Tim Ferriss puts it:
“A person’s success in life can be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations they are willing to have.”
Just make sure you’re in a regulated state before you jump in!
6.) Intentional Dissociation – The Future of Peak Performance?
One of the biggest breakthroughs in psychotherapy has been the discovery and application of the idea of a parts-based model of the psyche.
Through this lens, the mind is seen more like a committee of sub-personalities, rather than a single unified entity.
Although this is a foundational assumption that many modern psychotherapies are built upon (e.g. IFS, Transactional Analysis, Schema Therapy, etc)—I hadn’t seen it applied in other fields—that is until I discovered Todd Herman’s book: The Alter Ego Effect.
If you’re unfamiliar, Todd was the peak performance coach for Cristiano Ronaldo, Rafael Nadal, and the late Kobe Bryant.
His approach is based on a parts-model, and leverages what could be described as an intentional form of dissociation which allows elite performers to access their highest capabilities in critical moments.
This post (639 words) provides a brief intro to the model and the five key steps Todd uses to help his clients build their alter ego, so they can access their highest capabilities when most needed.
7.) An Epic Biography
After watching Turn Every Page, I’ve been reading Robert Caro’s: The Power Broker.
Voted as one of the best biographies of the 20th Century and winner of the Pulitzer Prize, Barack Obama said he was “mesmerized” by it when he awarded Caro a National Humanities Medal in 2010.
It offers a behind-the-scenes look at the life of Robert Moses — the “man who built New York”.
Although he started out as an idealist with intentions to help the less fortunate, as he gets more enmeshed in the political system, his character gradually gets corrupted by the dynamics of power.
For example, in his efforts to reshape the city, he had no problem displacing 250,000+ working-class, poor, and minority residents from their homes to do so. A good reminder that the love and pursuit of power rarely—if ever—ends well.
