I interviewed Kevin Kelly for our Aligned Creator Summit this month.
If you’re unfamiliar, Kevin is the Co-Founder of Wired Magazine, and someone Tim Ferriss suggests might be “the most interesting man in the world”.
A key takeaway was Kevin’s maxim:
Never measure yourself against somebody else’s ruler.
In his view, if you want to live a content and peacefully creative life, it’s essential to get clear on your own definition and metrics for success.
The reason?
We’re social beings, hardwired for imitation. (For more on this, check out Rene Girard’s theory of mimetic desire.)
My experience with running is an example of why this is so important.
When I started, I would go out on long, easy Sunday runs in nature during Covid as a way to unplug, reset, and clear my head for the week ahead.
It became a weekly “moving meditation” that I both looked forward to and enjoyed the process of.
However, everything changed when I signed up for Strava.
If you’re unfamiliar, Strava is a social network for runners where your stats (speed, distances, times, heart rate, etc.) are on public display.
Not long after, running began to lose its magic for me.
It was no longer about exploration and rejuvenation in nature, but now about what speed I was doing, and how many km I logged each week.
Looking back, I can see that my metrics for success shifted from the internal to the external.
Now I was more concerned with what my stats would say afterward, than I was about actually enjoying the process of going for a run.
This shows that if we’re not clear on our own “ruler” for success, we can very easily start measuring ourselves against the predominant metrics in our social sphere.
This can happen in any area of life—whether it be work, finances, health, hobbies, etc.
So if something brings us a lot of joy—like running did for me—we’d be wise to clearly define our metrics for success in this area, so that if we ever find ourselves getting pulled into someone else’s game, we can drop their measuring stick, and get back to enjoying the process.
If you used to enjoy an activity, but no longer do, ask yourself:
1.) What metrics might be driving you in this area? Are these consciously chosen or have you picked up somebody else’s “ruler”?
2.) What are you really trying to get out of this?
3.) If external metrics were taken out of the equation—and nobody else could find out what you did in this area—how would that change your approach?
