Relational Frame Theory (RFT) is the model of cognition that underpins Acceptance and Commitment Therapy — an evidence-based psychotherapy with hundreds of randomised controlled trials behind it.
Developed by Professor Steven Hayes, RFT suggests thoughts are like “nodes” that exist in relational networks in our minds.
So when you have one thought, not only is that particular set of neurons “activated”, but also the thoughts you most commonly associate with it.
For instance, if you think “Ireland”, it activates a kind of relational network which may contain all of the associations you have with the country.
E.g. Guinness, Dublin, leprechauns, green fields, rainy days, St Patrick, and so on.
So there’s sort of an “if-then” sequence that plays out internally:
“Think X thought —> then think Y thought or perform Y action.”
The more this happens, the stronger the neural pathways between these nodes become.
As the saying goes:
What fires together, wires together.
Although most of us intuitively grasp this, it’s only dawned on me recently how significant this is for improving our quality of life.
Think of a thought or behaviour that leads to a lot of unnecessary suffering in your life.
Something you tend to ruminate on which has no productive function and doesn’t lead anywhere good.
I’ll give a personal example to illustrate.
I used to have a problem where I’d eat too much at meal times.
And then, very quickly afterwards, a harsh inner critic would come “online” and proceed to give me a good telling off for how stupid I was.
So the sequence became:
If over-eat —> Then beat self up inside.
Now, not only did I not feel physically depleted because of the extra digestive work I had given my body to do, I felt emotionally depleted too.
All of which contributed to an internal environment of toxicity and shame.
Then one day after a particularly heavy lunch, I tried experimenting with an alternative sequence.
I thought: “Can I forgive and love myself unconditionally in this moment?”
And instead of engaging in the usual self flagellation, I proactively said kind things to myself — the sort of things I would say to a friend who was struggling, that I genuinely cared for.
Now, although I didn’t physically feel amazing, this time there was no shame or emotional toxicity created.
I actually felt ok.
Strangely, not long after, I was able to break the habit of overeating.
I’m not sure if it’s linked or not, but I am sure that the previous sequence wasn’t working.
This example illustrates that our sequences aren’t set in stone.
And that at any moment, we can start to create new neural pathways by experimenting with alternative thoughts or behaviours which divert us away from our default neural “highways” that take us towards suffering.
If you want to give this a try, think of a thought or behaviour that you tend to ruminate on or that causes suffering for you.
Or perhaps the times when your inner critic is most active.
Next ask: what typically happens before? What’s the trigger?
This should bring awareness to your “if-then” sequence.
Now, it’s only a matter of experimenting with replacing the usual “then” with more life-giving alternatives.
Maybe instead of letting your inner critic run wild, you listen to your favourite song. Maybe you do a silly dance. Maybe you proactively engage in supportive self talk.
It doesn’t necessarily matter what you do.
Only that you disrupt the existence sequence and create a new pathway.
Over time, the old bond will weaken and a new highway will form — one that takes you away from self-imposed suffering and towards more life and joy.
