1.) Question I’m Pondering:
What’s one action that, if I took, could significantly shift my trajectory in a more positive direction, and continue to generate positive results long into the future?
An example could be hiring a therapist, coach, or joining a mastermind.
Although the initial investment is low effort (e.g. booking the first call), you might end up in a completely different (and better) place one year from now, just from this one high leverage action.
2.) The Tetrarchy Model for Finding Purpose
Since 2022, I’ve been heading out to Spain twice each year to do a week on the Camino de Santiago.
Almost always, I come back with clarity, direction, and a renewed sense of purpose for the months ahead.
I never understood why this was happening. I just noticed that it was happening.
So I keep going back.
However, in a recent conversation with Mark Walsh for our upcoming Holistic Coaching Summit, he shared a framework that helped to explain what was happening to me on the Camino.
It’s called the Tetrarchy Model.
In essence, it suggests that we are most likely to find purpose if we take the following four elements into account:
1.) The body. This is about using the body as a kind of “radar” for purpose. There will be certain activities that you do that light you up and touch something deep inside when you engage in them. For me, this is when I’m interviewing people and writing. What is it for you?
2.) Community. This is about having people in your corner — mentors or “encouragers” who believe in you, even when you don’t believe in yourself. It’s hard to underestimate how valuable it is to simply get a pat on the back every once in a while and to be told: “You’ve got this.”
3.) Ecology. We’re not going to find purpose by staring at our screens. Spending extended periods deep in nature reconnects us with something that is both deep within and bigger than our individual ego. It’s usually from this place that we find clarity on the optimal direction for our lives.
4.) Spiritual Practices. We get disconnected from purpose because we live in a consumer culture which hypnotises us into thinking that we are the centre of the universe. One of the key benefits of spiritual practices is that they remove this illusion, and remind me: “Your life is not about you.” It’s about service to others. That’s where the meaning is.
When Mark shared this framework, I realised that the Camino ticks all four boxes, which might explain the clarity I’ve been finding along the way.
If you ever find yourself disconnected from your own sense of purpose, try using the Tetrarchy model to get back on track.
You can see the clip here, and pre-register for a free pass to the summit here.
3.) You are a “Lineage” – Thich Nhat Hanh
The following is an excerpt from Thich Nhat Hanh’s masterpiece The Art of Living:
“We have a chance to transform our inheritance in a beautiful direction. Every time I offer incense or prostrate at the altar in my hermitage, I do not do this as an individual self, but as a whole lineage. Whenever I walk, sit, eat, or practice calligraphy, I do so with the awareness that all my ancestors are within me at that moment. I am their continuation.
Whatever I am doing, the energy of mindfulness enables me to do it as “us”, not as “me”. When I hold a calligraphy brush, I know I can not remove my father from my hand. I know I can not remove my mother, or my ancestors from me. They are present in all my cells. In my gestures. In my capacity to draw a beautiful circle. Nor can I remove my spiritual teachers from my hand. They are there in the peace, concentration, and mindfulness I enjoy as I make the circle. We are all drawing the circle together. There is no separate self doing it. While practicing calligraphy, I touch the profound insight of “no self”. It becomes a deep practice of meditation.
Whether we are at work or at home, we can practice to see all our ancestors and teachers present in our actions. We can see their presence when we express a talent or skill they have transmitted to us. We can see their hands in ours as we prepare a meal or wash the dishes. We can experience profound connection and free ourselves from the idea that we are a separate self.”
To me, Hanh’s insight has implications for our own healing work.
Given that it is now well established that attachment patterns and trauma pass from generation to generation, this means that if we are able to heal in the present, not only are we healing our own wounds, but also those of our parents and ancestors, as well as those of the the children and descendants that will follow us.
So by transforming our own inner world, we have the potential to disrupt a long line of suffering — and be the person responsible for creating a greater sense of peace, harmony, and an improved quality of life for the generations that follow.
4.) Quote I’m Keeping Top of Mind:
“At no day, no hour, no time are you required to do more than you can do in peace.” — Melody Beattie
A lesson I keep having to relearn is that:
I can’t separate my actions from my outcomes.
If I take action from a stressed state, it almost always comes back to me with negative results.
And if I act from a peaceful state, it almost always flows back in a positive way.
A simple metaphor for this is to think of actions like planting seeds.
Taking action from a stressed state is a bit like forcing a seed into a crack in sun-hardened desert ground during a drought—the roots don’t stand a chance.
But if you act from a peaceful, grounded state of mind, it’s like sowing a seed in soft soil after a downpour of rain.
The roots can take hold in fertile ground, and a flourishing crop eventually emerges.
So, a question worth thinking about:
What kind of seeds are you planting today?
5.) Thought Experiment from My Upcoming Book
In 2017, I was struggling to decide whether to do a psychology degree or set up The Weekend University. This was one of the hardest decisions I’ve had to make, and the thought experiment that follows gave me the clarity I needed to move forward. If you’re struggling to decide between competing paths in life, give it a go.
Imagine yourself going to a dinner party in the afterlife.
Here, you meet the different versions of your future self that you could become, depending on the decision you make at this point in your life.
For example, if you are deciding between staying in an accountancy job that you hate, or retraining as a psychotherapist, you would envision the person you’d most likely become by taking each path 10 years in the future.
What’s their energy like? How would you describe their personality? What are they telling you about their life?
Once you’ve got a clear picture of each potential future self at the dinner party, you then ask:
“Who do I admire and most want to talk to?”
And:
“Who do I want to avoid?”
The person you’re curious to talk to is usually a good indicator of the right path, whereas the person you want to avoid is usually a warning sign about where a particular course of action might be leading you.
Source: Carpe Diem Regained by Roman Krznaric.
6.) A Thought Provoking Book
Moral Ambition by Rutger Bregman
This is an inspiring read and a “call to adventure” to think bigger about the impact of our working lives.
In the prologue, Bregman tells the story of Mathieu Ricard — the French monk who spent 30 years (60,000+ hours) meditating, and who scientists later discovered had the world’s “happiest brain”. He then compares this with the story of Thomas Clarkson – a key figure in ending slavery worldwide. Unlike Ricard, Clarkson experienced a great deal of negative emotion, and actually ended up having a nervous breakdown at 33.
The question put to the reader is: which of these two should we be aspiring to emulate?
On the one hand, it’s incredible what Ricard accomplished. But when contrasted with Clarkson, it begs the question:
“Is creating happiness for ourselves really the most important thing we should be striving for?”
Or might at least some of Ricard’s thirty years meditating in solitude have been better spent helping others?
I’m not saying we need to change the world or drive ourselves to the point of breakdown as Clarkson did, but it’s worth thinking about what the optimal balance is between these two important areas of life (personal happiness and helping others).
7.) Documentary
Love Yourself Today by Ross Killeen
In terms of emotional impact, this is one of the best documentaries I’ve seen in recent years.
With a rating of 8.8 on iMDb, it tells the story of the Irish singer Damien Dempsey — covering his own mental health struggles, those of his fans, and the incredible power of music to heal — both individually and collectively. You won’t regret watching this one.
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